O.C.S Only Child Syndrome

Many people have certain thoughts about only children… typical and justified thoughts like “wow, what a selfish kid”, “spoiled brat”, or “socially awkward”… things of that nature. I’m not saying you’re in the wrong but there are things you don’t know about only children that most would consider super-human. Call them super powers if you must… I won’t stop you. Brace yourselves for things that you’ve never known about ALL only children. Get ready to be amazed.

1. Only children can shoot a free throw shot backwards and make it… every time. After all, who else do they have to play ball with? Practice makes perfect…for 8 hours everyday….

2. Only children know EVERY secret passage/ password/ shortcut/ any cool trick in EVERY video game known to man. They don’t even know what the words “two player” means… more time for them… they’re not complainin.  (Jasmin-Jafar-Sultan-Jasmin Bonus level password to Aladdin…you’re welcome.)

3. Only children can climb almost anything you tell them to climb… I mean how else could they escape the evil imaginary villains chasing them?

4. Don’t ever challenge an only child to a breath holding contest… you’ll lose. Ask their parents. “MOOOMMM…come time me again I bet I can go 2 seconds longer!” Forget marco polo… this is a SWEET one person pool game! Who needs siblings!

5.Only children find intense entertainment and sometime alarming joy in simple things of life. Examples would be bouncy balls, lady bugs, rubix cubes, mirrors, and the little splash contests in which they only compete against themselves. They’re a winner every time says mom! Win-Win! (pun intended)

6. Only children have the incredible ability of MVCS…Multiple Voice Character Shift. Think of all of the toys they’ve got in the first place…they’ve all got different voices. (This is not to be confused with Multiple Personality Disorder, although easily mistaken by medical professionals)

These are only 6 Pros to being an only child. The list could go on and on…especially since I’m an only child and I’m completely content sitting around all day by myself thinking of reasons why it’s cool to be an only child. Self entertainment… another thing that people with siblings never really get the hang of… “No I don’t want to thumb wrestle because that means I might not win.”

Next time you encounter a child that has no siblings challenge them to a staring contest…I bet you’ll lose. There is no way you watch more TV than them.