In the process of processing...

For the past year I have been in graduate school for Counseling. I don't think I expected to experience so much change within myself during this process. These classes that I'm taking and papers that I'm writing force me to face my own demons and sin issues. This year has been a time of fighting for obedience in my relationship with the Lord. Many time I've felt apathetic and numb to His truth. Few times have I felt His presence in that rich deep way that I love so much. This is why I've had to battle my flesh in being obedient to my God. Many failures and few successes.

The more and more I'm counseling myself in a sense, the more I realize that all of my relationships, including my relationship with the Lord have such heavy conditions placed upon them. God, IF you do this, THEN I'll love you. Taylor IF you do this, THEN I'll love you back. Lacey, IF you do this, then I'll feel complete. I hate this realization but I'm so grateful for it because I'm now aware that I've been relying on my own love and grace to produce successful relationships. Needless to say, my love and grace are not sufficient. They grow tired and run dry. I've been constantly reminded that I am fallible and limited but my God is perfect and limitless. His love and grace are what produce relationships that bring Him glory, not mine. Although many days I fight for control in my own life and disobey my Father, the simple truth is that he still loves me and will never stop loving me. I thought I'd share my gratefulness for His faithfulness. 

I ran across this song  by Audrey Assad about two weeks ago and it has blessed my heart in so many ways. Just a wonderful reminder that He is persistent in his love for his children.