a heart worth dying for

It was dark. The darkest dark that I’ve ever known. Mangled and weak, I was paralyzed beneath the weight of the sin that was stealing the very breath within me. The worst part was, I didn’t know.

 It was too heavy. The weight of my chains I mean. The chains that I had been swaddling myself in for years finally slammed me to the ground. Breathing was a conscious effort. In…Out...It was getting harder as the resistance against you continued to grow. In….Out…In………Out…………In……………. I couldn’t do it anymore. I was dead. It was in this very moment of helplessness and naivety that you looked at me and spoke the most beautiful words that will ever fall upon my soul. You whispered, “that is a heart worth dying for”. As I lay there breathless and cold with scarlet carved upon my heart you spoke life into me. You spoke hope into me. You spoke truth into me. I am new. Finally.

Breathing this time seemed different. Effortless. Enjoyable and light. In.Out.In.Out. But how? How is this happening? To me, of all people? I didn’t ask, I didn’t seek… I didn’t….

“It is finished.” Were the words of my Father that wrapped around my healing heart. “That’s how. I’ve loved you before I spoke the world into existence. Before anyone loved you, I did. I loved you first and I will love you last. As I hovered over the waters of the Earth in the beginning, I knew you. Every part of your heart, and I still love you. I saved you from death because the love I have for you is the most overwhelming love that has ever been. I’ve known from the start that you were mine. I knew from the start that you had a heart worth dying for.”

I can offer nothing to Him who continues to breathe life into me. His name is greater than all things that were created. He alone saves the lost, draws near to the broken hearted, heals the sick, cares for the widows and fathers the fatherless. What have I to offer?

“There is one thing I desire more than anything, one thing that I rejoice over, one thing that overwhelms my heart with joy.”

It’s a struggle, I won’t lie. There are days that I willingly pick up a chain and heave it around my neck, only to find the familiar heaviness unsuitable for the new heart I’ve been given. I remember how He found me. Cowering in the corner of my sin. Filthy and hopeless. He saved me, so I try to give what He desires. Complete surrender. Dying to myself and trusting that He will revive me daily. He does. My King, Jesus Christ, has a heart worth dying for.